A dear college friend of mine, “Annie,” just ended a too-long marriage in the northeast. She laments all the years she lost loving someone who simply wasn’t equipped to love her back, and who in fact manipulated her emotionally and verbally. She’s made a new rule I want to share with you.
No more toxic people in her life—and in yours—whether they’re spouse, partner, or “friend.” Annie inspired me to surf the Web today for meaningful comments from experts in “toxicity” and I share them with you here.
Toxic people are unhappy with themselves, so they make you unhappy. Everything is always someone else’s fault, not theirs, right? They complain, and for them, nothing or no one is “good enough.” It’s a bad place to be mentally, for them—and for you. As baby boomers, we don’t have “all the time in the world” anymore. There’s no reason to waste a minute of it. Believe in yourself, go accomplish your mission, and don’t stop to contemplate those who would hold you back.
Consider these non-toxic thoughts from:
Mark Muchnick, Ph.D. at Psychology Today:
“Hanging around toxic people is a recipe for regret. Get them out of your life and work on keeping positive people in it—you’ll feel more energized, motivated, confident, inspired, happy, and alive. Steer clear of toxic people and put yourself in the presence of people who bring out your best.”
M. Gary Neuman, practicing licensed counselor and ordained rabbi:
“You either have to avoid them [toxic people], confront them, or get help in changing the relationship,” Dr. Neuman says. “You cannot continue to allow it to happen to you.”
Light’s Blog about toxic and non-toxic people:
“Toxic people like to accuse, tantrum, manipulate and smear their way to either one of the above or the other. Their out-of-control emotions and self-centeredness make the blame game and the smear campaign two of their favorite tactics for keeping you engaged with them so they can feed off you.”
Marcia Sirota, psychiatrist, on Huffington Post:
These troublesome individuals create conflict and turmoil, but it’s not inevitable that you should get stuck in difficult, unsatisfying relationships. Children often have no choice about who they associate with, but adults do have a choice.
Your bright future ahead
Annie “almost fell off her chair” when she read Sirota’s “Top Ten Toxic People to Avoid at All Costs.” She’s just left behind “The Volcano,” “The Narcissist,” “The Cynic,” and “The Complainer.” Annie’s moved on and she’s already seeing the results.
(Photo courtesy: RABBIT ON GRASS, © Jinyoung Lee | Dreamstime.com)